Then there was Nada.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh… to be bored at the start of a very good day is such a rarity for me. I am usually preoccupied with many curiosities in my waking hours… but not today.

With no particular music genre to listen to, I skipped the desire to saturate my soul with notes and haunting tunes… Nada.

Scrambling to scan the contents of my portable drive, I went over scores of movie titles hoping to find one film I missed to watch… Nada.

Went out the bedroom, into the kitchen to fix me another cup of coffee. Turned on the TV to see what’s on that would merit my interest… Nada y pues nada.

Nothing and for nothing…

With sun rays now filtering through my window, I find myself in the middle of a clean well-lighted living space. Hemingway-ish, yeah. Remembering ole Ernest’s A Clean Well-Lighted Place, I was suddenly awashed with my own emotional darkness, eventual isolation, and existential depression caused by this morning’s “nada”, the nothingness.

I refuse to succumb to this emptiness! Not a couple of hours ago, I declared that today, I will H.O.P.E. Hope. Have an optimistic perspective on everything. This “nada” is not helping.

Then my gaze was seduced by a colorful poster — which I probably bought days ago, but forgot to find a proper place on the wall for it — some lines in T.S. Eliot’s The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock:

For I have known them all already, known them all:
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.

So how should I presume?

Prufrock’s song, I learned in college [I miss you Ms Lydia S. Peña], is a confession of a soul in torment. The song is rife with hesitation, inadequacy, and lack of self-assertiveness. Eliot paints Prufrock as a purveyor of false [self] counsel, a man who failed to do neither good nor evil; and deserving of a spot in the seventh ring of Hell, next to Guido.

Am I my own Prufrock?

These thoughts suddenly weighed heavily on my chest… they became so heavy I was compelled to sit… recline… lie down. My breathing became labored now, as I struggle against being engulfed by the “Nada”.

Weighted chest… I closed my eyes.

“Dad, wake up!” A soft tap on my cheek. “You are mumbling.”

I slowly lifted my eyelid. On my chest, propped up smiling, is my hope…


About Seeing with Brahmin eyes
My sense of humor can be keen, sarcastic, silly or corny -- sometimes all at once. I enjoy meeting new people with no preconceived ideas about what or what is not possible. You get much more out of life by being open minded and willing. I'm an easy going, good-natured person who loves life and loves people. I'm both optimistic and realistic and pretty objective when it comes to assessing situations, events, etc. In general I am a very positive person and you'll usually find we with a smile on my face.

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