Midlife crisis

When I was only nine years old
I had a poster
And with that alone I had the education
The motivation
I knew what I wanted to be
Wanted to be.

… never was the same.

Started getting older
I took it on myself
To find out why
I’m the way that I am
But I can’t find a conclusion
No I think I’m getting closer
Yeah I know I’m getting closer
My whole wall is filled with posters
My whole life if filled with posters.

I used to be outspoken
Doin’ anything for someone’s attention
And when that changed I guess you thought
That I was no longer me
Although I finally found me
So take the other bodies
And put them by the TV.

You make real friends quickly
You make real friends quickly
But not me…

— Youth Lagoon, Posters [The Year of Hibernation]

Several of Me–

— crowd themselves around my pad one night. Logical Me sits pensively behind my laptop, perched on my study table. Lighthearted Me playfully hangs upside-down off the back of my recliner. Existentialist Me leans lazily against my door, eyebrows raised. Stressed Me, Independent Me and Artistic Me loiter around, taking turns examining an old photograph of Avenida hanging on the brick-a-brack, which also serves as a divider for my studio unit.

Stressed: So, come on, what’s this meeting about?

Logical (Taking a deep breath): Well, it’s time we all come together. It’s time we recreate Ram.

Lighthearted (Furrowing his brow, but smiling): Are we talking about Voltron here, where all the lion ships join together to form an uber-super robot?

Logical: Seriously guys, this meeting is an opportunity for us to evaluate where we are in life, like a State of the Nation Address.

Existentialist: Speaking of which, I’ve been meaning to ask all of you: career change? This late in the game? Honestly, is it worth it? You . . . (gestures toward Logical) you’re writing that philosophy-book-of-some-sort, which should do well. And look at Artsy over there! He’s been taking a bunch of splendid photographs lately that a follow up to the Bohol and Iloilo churches published in Panorama is most likely; why don’t we see where we can get with that? Not to mention the endless possibilities if Lighthearted aims for a scriptwriting gig for a stand-up comic.

(Logical shakes his head)

I mean, let’s be realistic, if we go to a full-time eight-to-five job, we’ll be required to stay in the office for a fixed period of time — that’d make it more difficult for us to pursue our true passions — comedy, music, art…

Logical: Not true! (Slamming his fist on the table) First of all, you failed to factor in my natural ability at technical writing and editing, which are strong skills in today’s knowledge-based BPOs. Furthermore, opportunities to pursue comedy and art will be more probable once we continue to have a source of steady income to pay the bills. (Sends a reassuring nod toward Artistic) In fact, if anything, having a day job will facilitate our involvement in activities like improvisational comedy…

Lighthearted: Yeah — imagine how much better I’d be at spinning out comedies if I have a boss to poke jokes on!

Logical: Exactly! And what about our other goals, such as backpacking in the Philippine countrysides and rolling out a coffee table book on Philippine Baroque Churches…

Independent: I agree. Plus, I was thinking of having a regular job as a financial clean slate. I am looking forward to really living on my own — away from our overprotective, over-scrutinizing family. No more hesitating to ask girls out!

Lighthearted: By the way, what ever happened to Captain Planet? He was like, really popular in 1987 and then . . .

Stressed: Enough out of you. (Lighthearted makes a mocking face at Stressed) You’re giving me a headache. Look everyone, we’re not making much progress here, and I’m beginning to feel a stress-pimple coming on.

(All except Existential gather around Stressed and comfort him)

Existential: There’s really no reason to be stressed about anything. If you think about how trivial — how meaningless — all this worry is, it’s kind of pathetic that your anxiety is about to get us all stuck with a pimple.

Independent: I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mr. I-Know-Everything-And-It-All-Means-Nothing, but mightn’t we as well calm down Stressed?

Existential: If you consider that your top priority right now. I thought we came here to do something else.

Stressed: He’s right, I’m fine. Let’s just get back to work, and the problem will heal itself. Where were we?

Lighthearted: We were searching through the late 80s for Captain Planet’s mysterious disapp . . .

(Stressed plugs his ears and momentarily steps out of the room; Independent shoves Lighthearted; Logic buries his face in his hands; Artistic begins doodling; Existential laughs)

Existential: We’re a bunch of fools. It amazes me that we are all squeezed into the same person. You know, if you think about the conversation we just had, it does reveal a lot about ‘Ram’.

Artistic: (Chewing his pencil) He’s got a point. And I thought of a cool song. So we were productive, after all. We should congregate like this more often. We can go places if we stick together.

All: Yeah, we can.

(They all put their right fists together, and there is a sudden burst of light and thunderous sound, as in the old Captain Planet cartoons, followed by a knocking on the door)

Neighbor: Brahma, are you OK? What’s all that noise?

Brahma: Yeah, I’m fine. Just puttin’ myself back together…

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About Seeing with Brahmin eyes
My sense of humor can be keen, sarcastic, silly or corny -- sometimes all at once. I enjoy meeting new people with no preconceived ideas about what or what is not possible. You get much more out of life by being open minded and willing. I'm an easy going, good-natured person who loves life and loves people. I'm both optimistic and realistic and pretty objective when it comes to assessing situations, events, etc. In general I am a very positive person and you'll usually find we with a smile on my face.

3 Responses to Midlife crisis

  1. sjanima says:

    glad you were able to put yourself together. have an exciting day! Best wishes.

    btw, midlife crisis is a myth, you can change career at any age just don’t change your sexual preference ha ha ha. you can keep all those “me” to have a complete “you”. keep your heart young as you add years to your life and life to the years. keep smiling and keep moving forward.

  2. inspiration says:

    your site was an awesome find

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