Love, they say, is…
August 8, 2011 Leave a comment
Most of us grew up to the adage: Love is blind… but blind love can sometimes be a very hurtful experience, or one that can be confusing — misleading even. A perfect instance of blind love is falling for someone who will later on compel you into doing things you would not normally do. While most people have certain standards in which they live by, being in love with someone to the point that they influence you to go against what you believe in is a result of blind love.
Falling blindly in love can affect a person to do just about anything in order to make the other happy, or to keep from losing them — most times, clouding his/her judgment and disabling them from distinguishing right from wrong. Often, objects of this blind affection take advantage of this circumstance: it begins as simple tasks like having them do all the housework, cooking and catering to them, or evolve in more serious, sometimes preposterous demands.
And what about: Love at first sight? ‘It is when two people know that they will be together forever the instance they see each other’, so I was told, but… really?
“Before Jake and I became an ‘item’, I never believed that a person would or could feel that way about someone else. Jake and I met at a party where we both worked — he as a bartender, me as the receptionist. I remember instantly connecting with him, which is unusual for me, as I am touted by friends as the most opinionated b**** in the planet. As we worked together the entire night, I was getting more and more drawn to him, seeing what a great person he is. He is fun to be around, we share the same opinions on most matters, he makes me feel comfortable and he seems like someone who will always be there for me. After that night, we were inseparable since… for almost 14 years now. We’re actually expecting our third child this November.”
Each of us has our own thoughts about what love is. But whether it is ‘love is blind’ or ‘love at first sight’, our perception or interpretation of love should be one that would guide us to do what is universally right. For without this preconceived idea of love, we would be akin to a blind man perpetually seeking for light.
It may be a trite expression to many, but the analogy about love being a priceless diamond, for me, is the most apt “description” — if that’s what it is — of what love should be. A well-cut diamond has many facets, each facet reflecting every man’s personal perception of what love is to them. To some, love empowers them to accept their partner’s imperfections without any condition. To others, love allows them to transcend their loneliness, sadness and illness, and be happy in their loved ones. With love, people can look at this world without a mask, revealing their true self to the people who matter to them. But love cannot be a substitute for anything. And nothing can substitute one’s love.
Interestingly, one facet of this perfectly cut diamond we call love has caught my attention. Resplendent in its courage, this ‘revolutionary’ perspective has given new meaning to the phrase: Love triangle. With her permission, I am publishing verbatim her opus:
I recently wrote this to a person I have fallen in love with, other than my partner. At first, I only chose this person and my partner, as my exclusive readers for this piece because I felt too vulnerable to share this work with others. I guess I just grew tired of keeping my vulnerability to myself. I now want to share this with others. I do not aim to sensitize my feelings through this personal revelation. I WILL continue to love despite myself. I just want to let them know that “LOVE” is real and it does take a lot of courage to show it.
May we all live to love my dear friends; it’s the only way to convince us that life is indeed, worth living.
Pardon my grammar…
… and maybe, this is my further attempt to make sense of the idea of “faithfulness” towards my partner now and what is happening between him and me (and may I say, my faith in what we have between the two of us).
I am comforted that human beings have been talking about this for a long time before “my feelings for you” reached my experience. According to some, even the Bible did not really say that people are not allowed to feel what they feel while they are with their partners. Instead, The Book teaches people to “love and honor” their partner. I guess this describes the “dynamics” I have nurtured with my partner.
We acknowledge that we can and have actually experienced attraction, desire, love and attachment to other people other than ourselves, only that we have made a vow, and constantly reflect our willingness to keep that vow to continue loving and honoring our marriage. So far, we have kept that promise. But at the same time, even if it pains us both (especially when jealousy gets in the way), we never buy the idea of pushing away those people we have come to love because we know that it is not the path towards love. We can only be faithful to love. Once we decide to keep our faith in love, then, love will guide our actions. I believe that love is not unfaithful, nor is it cruel (only when we are reactionary to it will we become cruel and unfaithful). It can defy boundaries, even the boundaries of the mind and the body.
In this context, I can now say that cheating (literal or otherwise) only happens when one refuses to welcome the challenges love can offer. What are these things? At the top of my head, I list things I can articulate below: Loving oneself with all one’s strengths and weaknesses. I think this is the most challenging of all.
I, myself, find it easier to imagine loving other people than myself.
- Engaging self and others in a loving dialogue, constantly negotiating with loved ones and resisting violent, reactionary attitude towards any situation with the beloved. I, myself, easily fall into this trap.
- Committing to what one has agreed upon with the self and the beloved. I, myself, acknowledge I am not invincible, but, I am always hopeful.
- Continuing to have faith in love despite all doubts created along the way, that is, while people deal with the challenges posed by a loving relationship. I, myself, become doubtful at some point, especially, when loving becomes destructive towards self and the beloved.
So, if you ask me now, yes, I love you and I believe that does not negate my love for my partner or my love for you. You may call it an emotion, a drive, or what-have-you. Love is simple and love is complex. Love is both selfish and selfless. I feel it strongly and it is a force that drives me forward. It is cool passion after the stormy confusions. So, to me, love, too, is order in chaos.