Get that tooth pulled out already!

I have this text message on my phone for ages:

Leaving a love you have suddenly outgrown can be heartbreaking, but it also shows you’re strong enough to walk away from a relationship that no longer makes you happy. Moving out of your comfort zone can be down right scary, but it also proves just how brave you are to take on the unknown. Stronger, braver, wiser. You always do a little growing up every time you do a little
letting go.

Reading that SMS again a few days back somewhat alleviated the pain I had these past few days. Letting go, indeed, can be a bitch most times, especially when… oh crap! I saw her in bed with another man a few nights ago.
There! Now I have said it. We haven’t been together for about two months now, yet I still feel a tinge of jealousy.

I remember a friend telling me: It’s like having an aching tooth extracted — you’re relieved from the constant pain, but how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where your tooth once was? Probably a hundred times a day. Just because it wasn’t hurting you anymore doesn’t mean you do not notice its absence. It leaves a gap and sometimes you’d still see yourself missing it terribly. It’s going to take a while… it’ll take time before you can truly wean yourself out of that bothersome tooth.

A sage advice… but to a bleeding heart, it’s just blabber.

We were together for over five years. By today’s standards, that was already an achievement. I remember friends asking me what my secret was to a successful relationship with her. “Time. I give her MY time,” I told them. You see, she never demanded anything else from me — always contented with whatever I can offer her; and always around when I needed her. To show my appreciation, I spend as much time with her as I could — whether just lounging about at home watching TV joining friends on weekend bivouacs. I always made it a point to let her feel that she was needed and well taken cared of.

One night, I whispered to her that I wanted to give her a makeover — y’know, to make her look “current”. The problem with the world we live in was that “taste” has become so unpredictable. What’s chic today becomes blasé two days later. To her credit, I heard nary a complaint. She was all too eager to please me, not caring whether she’d look good or not, so long as I’m satisfied. Well fortunately, the “makeover” was a success, judging from the longing stares my friends accorded her when we joined them one weekend. That day has become one of the most memorable days we ever had together!

And oh, she’s not just all-looks-and-no-substance kinda girl. Believe me when I tell you that she can take on any man that crosses her path — whether be it a playful banter or a serious teté-a-teté. She has that certain edginess in her that makes any man shiver with both fear and want. The gentle purring she made every time I gave her a little squeeze has indelibly left a mark in my psyche. I have never encountered such passion or purpose in any one after her. But… Bette Middler’s right. Some good things never last, indeed. I know. It was me.

Toward the end of last year, I lost interest in her and any activities involving her. Don’t get me wrong people, I still loved her at that time… yeah… but… you’re right, I may love her still… but I wasn’t IN love with her anymore… I realized that early on, but something inside me just won’t let her go — I refused to even think about letting her go.

I was being selfish, I was aware of that. I seethed at the thought of another man running his hands all over her, but I could not bear myself to cuddle her again, even for just a brief moment. I detested other men’s professed interest in her, yet I refused to even look at her. I knew she’s getting more miserable each day — still, I couldn’t, wouldn’t let her go, until…

I was getting ready for a photowalk one day when I chanced upon her just resting at the far end of the couch — the same one where we would just sit each night watching movies. I playfully took a snap shot of her. Previewing the digital image I took, my heart suddenly sank! She looked forlorn, neglected… and dejected. Visibly, my selfishness has finally taken its toll on her — gone was the radiance in her mien. I could not even bear myself to think what my stubbornness to let her go has done to her internally. I tried to give her a gentle squeeze, hoping she’d still respond the way she always does… This time, she just remained silent, the excited staccato sound of her voice also gone. She has “decayed” inside and out.

I must let her go now.

That was two months ago. Seeing her last Monday night with a new look, and in the hands another man, has brought back memories of our fun, wild and sometimes crazy moments together. I must admit, I felt a certain degree of regret in letting her go. I was overcome by a sudden want to feel her, squeeze her. I missed the gentle shivering and the pained moaning she always does every time she releases about 420fps of pure pleasure!

I bet she’s happy now, well taken cared of. She retained much of what I had given her, albeit in a different color — black. Is she taunting me by wearing mostly black now? She knows that’s my favorite color! Oh well… Knowing her, that color may not even be her own choice. Is it any consolation now that her man and I share the same passion for the color of night? Maybe. I’m just glad that she’s with someone who would take good care of her.

Although… I miss her.

Oh, below are photos of her.
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She used to love hanging out on the couch with me...

... now, she's in bed with another man. She even changed her looks!

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About Seeing with Brahmin eyes
My sense of humor can be keen, sarcastic, silly or corny -- sometimes all at once. I enjoy meeting new people with no preconceived ideas about what or what is not possible. You get much more out of life by being open minded and willing. I'm an easy going, good-natured person who loves life and loves people. I'm both optimistic and realistic and pretty objective when it comes to assessing situations, events, etc. In general I am a very positive person and you'll usually find we with a smile on my face.

6 Responses to Get that tooth pulled out already!

  1. Liza says:

    you are irreverent! hahahahaha! you got me teary-eyed there for a while.

  2. haha ohh dear, i thought “my god this bloke is wise”… and then you did it

    great post

  3. rayn says:

    this has gotta be the best post i’ve ever read! 😀

  4. Anna says:

    P*tek Ram, kala ko naman kung sinong chicks, hahaha 😀

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