To thine self, be true!

I have always believed in speaking my mind. If I think it, I say it.

This aspect of my personality seems to get on a lot of anal retentive people’s nerves. Honestly though, I don’t give a damn if they like what I say or not. Whether I’m speaking my mind in public or filling my blogs and notes with rambling thoughts, one thing never varies. It is always spoken from the heart.

Nothing gets on my nerves more than people who are fakes. You know the ones I’m talking about. The people who act all prissy and sophisticated out in public who pretend they’ve never had a dirty thought! They look down their noses at people who are more attuned with their sensuality, or sexuality for that matter. But, behind closed doors, we all know it’s a whole other ballgame. They are just normal everyday people like me and you. They cuss, fuck, eat pussy, suck cock and masturbate. Hidden in the top of their closets are piles of triple X-rated movies and adult magazines they’ve been collecting since they were pimply faced teenagers. Often times these are the people who dish out their ‘holier than thou’ attitude on television, masquerading as the guardians of morality and talking about how pornography should be banned or that a condom is a tool from the devil. I wish people like that would just ‘GET REAL’.

When I was growing up, I was so shy and timid that I would let anyone walk all over me before I would even think of standing up for myself. Eventually, I got tired of it and started speaking my mind. I learned to use my free-thinking ways creatively.

I started writing creatively when I was in high school. At first, all I wrote were love letters for my friends and classmates, which made me a ‘go-to bridge’ for most of these young lovers. My natural ability to weave ‘sweet nothings’ into prose made giggly girls swoon with every word. This raw emotion was the spark that lit the flame inside my soul, enabling me to write about any subject — whether it’s passionate sex or death.

The ability to talk about anything to anyone, friend or foe, without embarrassment took a lot of work on my part. The funny thing about it is that I never fully overcame my shy streak until I started using the Internet. I have seen the effect many of my notes have on some people. Not just the physical reactions, but the internal ones they feel. I believe that if my stories can make a person, smile, frown, and cry or become aroused, then I’ve done a good job expressing myself. Reading what people think about my stories always inspires me to write more. Unfortunately, I haven’t really written anything in the past few days. No stories, no notes, no blogs, no letters, no emails, absolutely nothing.

During this time, instead of saying what I’m feeling or using my writing as a release, I just comment on everyday photos or associate famous quotes with pictures. I have no inspiration to write a single word. A sudden wave of melancholia just enveloped me…

I am just sitting here wondering how to get past this unexplained sadness. I’m pissed off because, for the first time in many years, I don’t know how to say what I’m feeling. The problem is that I have no idea where to vent my frustration at, so I just lock all my feelings up inside, causing what many call a writer’s block.

This morning, I finally got sick of feeling this way. I sat down in front of the computer and told myself that I am going to start writing again, come hell or high water. I knew that the time had come that I needed to vocalize all these mixed feelings inside me, including a lot of sexual frustration, or I just might spontaneously explode!

Even though all this time has passed since I last posted a story, I still receive regular emails from people who appreciate my writing. Their kind words helped me to not forget that my words do make a difference to people out there.

Now that I have found my strength to go on with life once again, I have to promise myself to never stray from my beliefs again. I will say or write what is on my mind every day, even if I just say it to myself because if I let life get me down again, then I’m not being true to myself which is exactly what those good-for-nothing critics want all of us to do. Just remember, sometimes you’ve got to shrug your shoulders, stand up and shout “What the FUCK!?!” and do or say what you damn well please!


About Seeing with Brahmin eyes
My sense of humor can be keen, sarcastic, silly or corny -- sometimes all at once. I enjoy meeting new people with no preconceived ideas about what or what is not possible. You get much more out of life by being open minded and willing. I'm an easy going, good-natured person who loves life and loves people. I'm both optimistic and realistic and pretty objective when it comes to assessing situations, events, etc. In general I am a very positive person and you'll usually find we with a smile on my face.

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